Italian Humor

Italian Thanksgiving


When I was a kid growing up, Thanksgiving was a day to reflect on what we had to be thankful for and to see my family together. After this peaceful moment, of no one screaming at each other, it was time to eat!  ANDIAMO! Now Italians do it all little bit different than the rest, but what else is new.

First we start with:

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Dining in an Italian American Home (Humor)


Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook during the holiday!


There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard. ( I have a fountain in the front!)

The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

A portrait of the Pope is hang in the dining room.

God forbid if anyone ever attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can.

Meatballs are made with Pork and Beef.  Italians don't care about cholesterol.


Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, after the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and minestrone or shcarole soup.

If anyone ever says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.

Sunday dinner was at 1:00. The meal went like this...

Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean, What more do you want?

All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonna & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins.

Homemade wine or a gallon of Piasano as well as bottles of 7up are on the table.

Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all spaghetti Macaroni)...change plates.

After that, Roasted Meat, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables... change plates. Then, and only then (never at the beginning of the meal) would you eat the salad (Oil and Vinegar dressing)...change plates.

Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones).

Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonna, "Merican" coffee for the rest) with hard cookies (Biscotti) to dip in the coffee.

The kids go play...the men go to lay down, loosen their belts. They slept so soundly a bomb could go off and they wouldn't wake... the women clean the kitchen.

Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.

Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe or wooden spoon thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room.

The true Italians will love this.

Those of you who are married to Italians will understand this and there are those that wished they were Italian. Finally, those of you who are friends with Italians will remember and will forward it to them.


101 signs that you may be Italian-American!



Uncle Lenny


101 signs that you may be Italian

  1. Chances are your last name ends in a vowel.

  2. Your family tree includes someone who came over on a ship as a stowaway.
  3. You knew what stunad meant before it was translated in English for you.
  4. You were chased into church before school started.
  5. Someone in your family knows how to make wine.
  6. You have a desire to grow grapes, tomatoes, basil, and peppers for no apparent reason.
  7. Pizza was one of the first foods you had has a baby.
  8. You eat pastina called them "ballies".
  9. Someone gave you an Italian horn as a gift of love.
  10. Your Dad explained the difference between Northern, Southern Italians and Sicilians.
  • 11. You know what "mascarade" means
  • 12. You bite your hand when someone says something bad about someone.
  • 13. You have been chased around the kitchen table with a wooden spoon.
  • 14. You have eaten the majority of your meals during the holidays in the basement.
  • 15. Your grandmother had a second kitchen and basement.
  • 16. You have at least one relative that spoke with broken English
  • 17. You know what a "buck-house" is.
  • 18. You can't help making hand gestures.
  • 19. You're unable to talk with your hands held behind your back.
  • 20. You have Goodfellas, Godfather, Casino and a Big Night in your movie collection.
  • 21. Someone in your family has plastic covers on the furniture.
  • 22. You would die right now for a great Cannoli!
  • 23. You know what a combo with sweet and hot drowned is.
  • 24. Your Mother always had food in the house and some Italian cookies for guests.
  • 25. You actually used the horned fingers on someone when you wanted them to mess up.
  • 26. You call Spaghetti sauce "Gravy".
  • 27. You weren't allowed to wear black until you were senior in high school.
  • 28. You're familiar to the "dull thump" of a slap behind the head.
  • 29. If you were skinny you are told to eat. If you are heavy you are told to lose weight.
  • 30. Your Grandparents saved money in coffee cans in the walls of their home.
  • 31. You are able to count to 10 and swear in Italian.
  • 32. You believe that the only place to get good Italian food is at home.
  • 33. You can eat 12 homemade raviolis.
  • 34. You enjoy toasted garbanzos and lupini beans from the guy who has the cart.
  • 35. Pizza originally was thick pizza with tomato, onion, olive oil and parmesan.
  • 36. You can eat fresh mozzarella right from the brine like an apple.
  • 37. You got in trouble if you ate the head of the lamb cake.
  • 38. Your Mom allowed you to have wine and 7-up during the holiday.
  • 39. You love to peel and eat fresh roasted chestnuts.
  • 40. There is a crucifix in every bedroom with a dried palm leaf behind it.
  • 41. You're protected by a St. Christopher statue on your dashboard.
  • 42. Every girl you bring home to your parents is a "Putan"!
  • 43. You'll love the movie's a Fistful of Dollars and the Good the Bad and the Ugly.
  • 44. Every once in a while your parents would cook up something real weird, like tripe or beef heart.
  • 45. Your Father or Mother spoke half English and Italian on the phone, you could only understand half.
  • 45. Penne was always Must-o-chal.
  • 46. Lasagna was a hand length tall and had tons of of Scamotz.
  • 47. You never make Lasagna with cottage cheese. Don't get me started!
  • 48. You hate when people say RICK-COTTA cheese.
  • 49. At least one time in your life you're called a little Strunz.
  • 50. You go crazy clean the house before your Mother or Grandmother comes over.
  • 51. You know when they try to fool you by selling you pork tenderloin as veal.
  • 52. You cannot live without garlic!
  • 53. You have a jar of giardinara in your fridge.
  • 54. You always enjoy a great glass of wine.
  • 55. You fell that there is nothing like an ice cold Moretti beer in a frosted glass.
  • 56. You can make a meal from fresh Italian bread, olive oil, Parmesan and roasted garlic.
  • 57. Fried smelt with lemon on Friday.
  • 58. One of your relatives at one time collected S&H Green stamps.
  • 59. Every holiday you watch Quo Vadis, Ben Hur, The Greatest Story Ever Told, The Robe and The 10 Commandments.
  • 60. You were teased as a child that if you didn't behave you would be sold to the gypsies.
  • 61. Guys only- Somewhere there is a super eight movie of you peeing in the bushes.
  • 62. You love a good joke.
  • 63. You love the smell of a good Benediction.
  • 64. You wish the Catholic Church would bring back the nine o'clock Latin Mass.
  • 65. Someone told you you should open a restaurant.
  • 66. You get angry easily.
  • 67. You make up fast and forget it either ever happened.
  • 68. You have at least one best of Dean Martin, Sinatra, Perry Como or Louie Prima CD, Album, 8 track or Cassette.
  • 69. Your pantry always has red wine vinegar, olive oil, oregano, basil, parsley, red pepper flakes and Parmesan cheese in the fridge.
  • 70. You can't stand when there is water on the bottom of your plate of Spaghetti.
  • 71. You never feel that it is good enough. You can always do better!
  • 72. You are passionate (I'll stop there).
  • 73. Someone knows someone, who knows someone who knows someone who can help you.
  • 74. Overcooked anything is 'moo-shad"
  • 75. There are at least 20 people over at the holidays.
  • 76. Your have sung the Spaghetti Song to your kids.
  • 77. You love fried pizza dough tossed with granulated sugar.
  • 78. At one time in your life you or a friend have danced in front of an open fire hydrant on a hot summer day.
  • 79. It matters if you date someone and they are not Italian or at least have some Italian blood in them.
  • 80. You could relate to the dinner scene on Saturday Night Fever.
  • 81. You know someone who is good at gambling.
  • 82. You have a relative that reads The Racing Form.
  • 83. You don't call Italian bread French bread.
  • 84. You know that Greeks secretly wish they were Italian.
  • 85. You love, Calimari anyway it's prepared.
  • 86. You feel that pizza is like sex, there is no such thing as bad pizza!
  • 87. You enjoy a good slice of cold pizza for breakfast.
  • 88. You have at least one item of clothing that declares your Italian pride.
  • 89. You eat your salad after dinner at times.
  • 90. Once the kitchen is all cleaned up it was off-limits to everyone, or else!
  • 91. You have chosen a professional by last name, example: Doctor, Lawyer
  • 92. You thought the idea of a"Flying Nun" was cool.
  • 93. You pronounce sausage - SASICHE.
  • 94. You always have greased the MaĆ®tre d'.
  • 95. You play the quarter slots then hit the prime rib buffet.
  • 96. Sometimes your socks don't match.
  • 97. You have worn your shoes at times till there are holes in the bottom.
  • 98. You love your children or want children to love.
  • 99. You miss when everyone in the family used to be together.
  • 100. Your parents told you that you were Italian and an early age that you should be very proud of it!
  • 101. You are reading this!